A new year, a new chance to get things rolling

I won’t lie. 2019 was possibly the toughest year I’ve ever been through. After my dad’s death in April, it felt like the rest of the year was a complete loss. I wrote maybe once or twice a month on average. I didn’t edit anything. My most recent published book was all the way back in May. This is not at all the way I envisioned the year going, but sometimes life gets in the way, and you have to take care of yourself.

Depression hit me really hard all year. My job in retail got to the point that it was sucking out whatever joy I still had life. Every day felt like a great ordeal, and there were so many times I just wanted to stay in bed all day. Even when I got out of bed (on the rare days I didn’t have to work), I rarely had the energy to do anything productive. I watched Youtube videos for hours on end because that was all I had the energy to do.

In many ways, I feel like I lost contact with who I am and what I enjoy. I stopped writing. I stopped reading. I did still play some of the games I enjoy, but that was about it. Everything in life was crushing me mentally and emotionally.

But 2020 is a new year. Due to getting sick, I’ve had my first break from work in a few months, and even though I’ve been sick, I’ve begun to feel more energy to do the things I enjoy. I also got some great news today from a company I applied to for an engineering job. I’ve now accepted an offer to work there, and assuming everything goes all right with background checks and such, I will finally be working in my field.

Sure, it will be a full-time job, but it will be in a field I enjoy. In fact, it’s the part of the field I enjoyed the most in school. I feel like it’s the perfect job for me, and perhaps that’s why I got so many rejections before. It was so that I’d get the right job.

The mere thought that I won’t be trapped in retail for eternity feels like a giant burden removed. Similarly, my salary will be six times higher than what I was making. With that kind of financial security, I can stop stressing so much about money. That stress won’t be gone, but it will be much easier knowing I can actually save some money.

That brings me back to writing. I’ve written each of the last two days (about 700 words yesterday and about 1,000 today). These aren’t huge days, but it’s something, and that’s my goal for this year. I want to write at least a little bit almost every day. I’m not going to hold myself to a word count goal or a goal of writing every day. I’ve tried both in the past, and they make me resent writing. Instead, I’m just going to write and see how far my mind takes me. I may have days when I write only one sentence, but it’s still a sentence. It still means I’m not going months without writing anything.

I don’t know if I can keep this up, but I feel like this is the best chance I have. The new year gives me an opportunity for a fresh start, both in writing and in the rest of my life.